The UK’s leading hooligan firms are discussing outlawing headbutts during fights, as evidence emerges it could contribute to Alzheimer’s.

‘It’s tough,’ said ‘Big Dave’ Fensom, The Chelsea Headhunters Head Headbutting Coach.

‘Thing is right, I’ve spent years training our mob to land the perfect nut. But, we’ve seen a few of the old boys start losing it a bit, and the doctors reckon butting heads with other firms might have something to do with it.’

‘Like our club, we’ve become a victim of our success,’ Fensom continued.

The Millwall Bushwackers, Manchester United’s Red Army, and The Leeds United Service Crew are also considering proposals put forward by the Headhunters. These range from introducing Petr Cech-style helmets to cushion blows, banning headbutts during under-12 clashes and introducing ‘no-nut November’ as an annual window for treatment and recovery.

One roadblock, however, is predictably a lack of solidarity and cooperation among hooligan groups, with longstanding rivalries scuppering dialogue.

‘If Millwall are doing it, we’re out,’ said Steve Saunders of West Ham’s Inter City Firm.

‘We’ve spent decades nutting walls, and it’s not done us any harm,’ he added before breaking out into a chant of ‘Irons! Irons! Irons!’

Keen to understand the science, Total FootBull approached leading neurosurgeon and Leeds supporter Sam Gravey. When asked if consistent headbutting could cause long-term brain damage, he replied, ‘Obviously. Albeit not for Manchester United fans, they never had brains to begin with.’