Author: Quinn

NEWS

Hooligans Consider Headbutt Ban Amidst Dementia Concerns

The UK’s leading hooligan firms are discussing outlawing headbutts during fights, as evidence emerges it could contribute to Alzheimer’s. ‘It’s tough,’ said ‘Big Dave’ Fensom, The Chelsea Headhunters Head Headbutting Coach. ‘Thing is right, I’ve spent years training our mob to land the perfect nut. But, we’ve seen a few of the old boys start losing it a bit, and the doctors reckon butting heads … Continue reading Hooligans Consider Headbutt Ban Amidst Dementia Concerns

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NEWS

Ten Hag Forms Alliance With Sunak After Both Men Lose Dressing Rooms

An unlikely alliance has formed between Manchester United Boss Erik Ten Hag and Conservative leader, Rishi Sunak, following a deeply challenging period in which support from their respective camps has waned. ‘I have much sympathy for him,’ Ten Hag told reporters ahead of Sunday’s crunch tie with Liverpool. ‘We have similar objectives. His goal is to stop the boats, and I want to stop shipping … Continue reading Ten Hag Forms Alliance With Sunak After Both Men Lose Dressing Rooms

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NEWS

Saudi Arabia Step in as Euro 2021 Host

Shockwaves have been sent through the footballing world today after UEFA announced that the 2021 European Championship will now be played in Saudi Arabia, following a successful meeting with the Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. Despite strong opposition from the FA, the decision is said to be final and Saudi Arabia are expected to begin preparations as early as next week. UEFA bosses have … Continue reading Saudi Arabia Step in as Euro 2021 Host

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NEWS

Roy Keane SLAMS Wife’s Performance in Bed

A characteristically scathing Roy Keane has critically analysed a disappointing sexual encounter with his wife on Thursday evening. The outburst took place during a live recording of what was supposed to be analysis of Liverpool’s Saturday showdown with Leicester. ‘There was no passion, no drive, no hunger,’ began the former Ireland international, speaking from the Sky Sports studio as an alarmed Micah Richards and David … Continue reading Roy Keane SLAMS Wife’s Performance in Bed

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