Tag: Featured

NEWS

Kepa to Attend Bedwetting Therapy After Latest Gaffe

Chelsea goalkeeper Kepa Arrizabalaga is scheduled to attend bedwetting therapy in a bid to help him keep a clean sheet. Kepa’s girlfriend, Andrea Pérez, stumbled across the solution following a desperate late-night Google search, and while the remedy sounds somewhat unorthodox, it could have some merit. Bedwetting therapists are experts in tackling embarrassment and low self-esteem, and have plenty of experience fixing the confidence issues … Continue reading Kepa to Attend Bedwetting Therapy After Latest Gaffe

Unknown's avatarLee innitLeave a comment
NEWS

Harvey Barnes set to Replace Denzel Washington in The Equalizer 3

Leicester City star Harvey Barnes has been lined up to replace Academy Award winner Denzel Washington in the third instalment of The Equalizer film franchise. Rumours of Barnes’ involvement began to swirl last month after his name appeared in a leaked excerpt from the film’s screenplay. Barnes already knows plenty about getting even, but rather than rescuing points for The Foxes, it seems he’ll now … Continue reading Harvey Barnes set to Replace Denzel Washington in The Equalizer 3

Unknown's avatarLee innitLeave a comment
NEWS

‘Stop Hugging Your Wives’, Demands Premier League Boss

Footballers must ‘change their behaviours’ to adjust to coronavirus rules both on and off the pitch, the Premier League boss has said, meaning no more hugs – whether that be with teammates, spouses or even their own children. ‘Players need to realise that they’re role models, and while they may not be killing each other, a small child could copy a celebration, pass on the … Continue reading ‘Stop Hugging Your Wives’, Demands Premier League Boss

Unknown's avatarLee innit1 Comment
NEWS

LEAKED: Burnley Unveil Kits for 21/22 Season

With Burnley currently 17th in the table, there’s no telling where Sean Dyche’s men will be playing next season, however, we do know what they’ll be wearing. Just two weeks into 2021, images of Burnley’s 21/22 home, away and 3rd kits have leaked online. The Puma-designed jerseys are said to be inspired by the wardrobe of the British working-class, with Puma looking to embrace the … Continue reading LEAKED: Burnley Unveil Kits for 21/22 Season

Unknown's avatarLee innitLeave a comment
NEWS

Abramovich Thinks Grant Can Help Lampard

According to reports in Russia, Roman Abramovich believes Grant could be the man to help Frank Lampard’s fledgling Chelsea side and is looking to bring Phil Mitchell’s 56-year-old brother to Stamford Bridge. The Eastenders’ star, played by Ross Kemp, caught the attention of the Chelsea owner on a recent trip to the UK. Sources claim that Roman was impressed by Grant’s toughness after watching an … Continue reading Abramovich Thinks Grant Can Help Lampard

Unknown's avatarLee innitLeave a comment
NEWS

Scott Parker Forced to Cancel Family Zoom Quiz

Fulham manager Scott Parker is reportedly incensed after the Premier League rescheduled his side’s game with Tottenham Hotspur at short notice, the new date clashing with Parker’s family Zoom quiz. The manager spent the early part of the week studying European flags, American presidents, and pop hits of the 90s. But now, with just 48 hours to prepare, he’ll need to switch his focus to … Continue reading Scott Parker Forced to Cancel Family Zoom Quiz

Unknown's avatarLee innitLeave a comment
NEWS

Benjamin Mendy Suspended Following Mass Orgy at Manchester City Training Ground

It was a day like any other for Kevin De Bruyne. He woke up, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, and then made his way to the Manchester City training facility situated at the club’s Eithad Campus. However, upon arrival, Kevin was presented with something out of the ordinary. His designated parking spot was occupied – filled by an unfamiliar red Vauxhall Corsa. Now, this … Continue reading Benjamin Mendy Suspended Following Mass Orgy at Manchester City Training Ground

Unknown's avatarLee innitLeave a comment
The Balon Door

The Balon Door 2020 – Vote Now

This week, the eyes of the football world should have been fixed on the 65th annual Ballon D’or ceremony – but after a Covid-caused panic, France Football cancelled this year’s awards, robbing one unlucky player of a life-defining honour.  But where France Football fell short, Total FootBull has stepped up to the plate to bring the world a new prize, The Balon Door.  There are some big-name … Continue reading The Balon Door 2020 – Vote Now

Unknown's avatarLee innitLeave a comment
NEWS

The New Donald Trump Soccer Glove

Declare victory and never concede with the new Donald Trump Soccer Glove! Designed to make goalkeepers great again, these Russian-made goalkeeper mitts will up your save percentage bigly… so much so, your defenders won’t even need to build a wall! For more equally-ridiculous football content, make sure you subscribe to Total FootBull’s new Youtube channel. Continue reading The New Donald Trump Soccer Glove

Unknown's avatarLee innitLeave a comment