Tag: liverpool

NEWS

Henderson to be Stoned After Forcing Saudi Exit

After forcing a move away from Saudi Arabian club Al-Ettifaq, former Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson is now expected to be stoned. Saudi officials have said they feel no ill towards Henderson, who will now head to the stoner capital of Europe, Amsterdam, to sign with Ajax – trading a sky-high salary for getting sky-high. Henderson will enter into a struggling Ajax team who’ve seemingly been … Continue reading Henderson to be Stoned After Forcing Saudi Exit

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NEWS

Henderson to Leave Saudi After Solving Homophobia

Al-Ettifaq’s Jordan Henderson is set for a stunning return to European football after successfully ridding Saudi Arabia of its deep-seated homophobia. Alongside ‘growing the game’ within just six months, Henderson’s on-field performances were able to inspire Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman to overturn Saudi’s long-standing ban on homosexuality. ‘He plays with such beauty, as soon as I saw him play in that all-action one-all draw … Continue reading Henderson to Leave Saudi After Solving Homophobia

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NEWS

Man City Head to Galactic Club Cup, Face Inter Uranus

Following their four-nil victory over Copa Libertadores winner Fluminense, newly-crowned World Champions Manchester City will now head to the Galactic Club Cup on Venus to compete against the best teams from in and around the galaxy. In their opening game, the Citizens will play neighbours Moon United, with the winner of that tie expected to meet last year’s Galactic champions, Inter Uranus. Speaking on the … Continue reading Man City Head to Galactic Club Cup, Face Inter Uranus

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NEWS

PGMOL Select Squirrel to Referee Premier League Game

After appointing Rebecca Welch as the Premier League’s first ever female referee and selecting Sam Allison as their first black official in 15 years, Premier League bosses have taken their diversity drive a step further, placing an unnamed squirrel in charge of this weekend’s tie between Manchester United and Liverpool. The squirrel, found last week in Battersea Park, South London, will be the first non-human official … Continue reading PGMOL Select Squirrel to Referee Premier League Game

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NEWS

Alisson Diagnosed With Kepatitis

Following Saturday’s late-game collapse against Leicester, Liverpool goalkeeper Alisson has been diagnosed with Kepatitis. The Liverpool backroom team sought expert medical opinion after another blunder from their star stopper; the Brazilian has now made 7 errors leading to goals since joining the club back in 2018. The condition was first discovered by the Chelsea medical staff last season after goalkeeper Kepa Arrizabalaga forgot how to … Continue reading Alisson Diagnosed With Kepatitis

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NEWS

Klopp Regretting Giving It the Big’un After First Title Win

After a 6th successive Anfield defeat, and with Liverpool’s title defence in tatters, it’s believed Jurgen Klopp is regretting ‘giving it the big’un’ after winning his first Premier League trophy. The accusation was first put to him by Frank Lampard following a tense touchline bust-up last July, with the ex-Chelsea boss telling Klopp, ‘only title you’ve ever won and you’re f***ing giving it the big … Continue reading Klopp Regretting Giving It the Big’un After First Title Win

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NEWS

Liverpool in the Running to Sign Any Centre-Back with a Pulse

According to reports on Merseyside, Liverpool are in the running to sign anyone alive willing to play centre-back for them. Following a tough start to the season which has seen the club lose all 3 of their starting CBs to injury, as well as frequent fill-in Fabinho, Liverpool are now in dire need of defensive reinforcements. Jurgen Klopp has expressed an interest in RB Leipzig’s … Continue reading Liverpool in the Running to Sign Any Centre-Back with a Pulse

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NEWS

Donald Trump Claims FA Cup Draw was Rigged

Following another easy draw for FA Cup frontrunners Manchester City, Donald Trump posted a message on the official @POTUS Bebo account claiming that the FA draw was ‘rigged.’ After City secured a plum draw against League 2 side Cheltenham Town, their two closest rivals, Liverpool and Manchester United, were then drawn against each other – raising eyebrows among members of the online football community. Trump … Continue reading Donald Trump Claims FA Cup Draw was Rigged

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The Balon Door

The Balon Door 2020 – Vote Now

This week, the eyes of the football world should have been fixed on the 65th annual Ballon D’or ceremony – but after a Covid-caused panic, France Football cancelled this year’s awards, robbing one unlucky player of a life-defining honour.  But where France Football fell short, Total FootBull has stepped up to the plate to bring the world a new prize, The Balon Door.  There are some big-name … Continue reading The Balon Door 2020 – Vote Now

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