Liverpool in the Running to Sign Any Centre-Back with a Pulse

According to reports on Merseyside, Liverpool are in the running to sign anyone alive willing to play centre-back for them.

Following a tough start to the season which has seen the club lose all 3 of their starting CBs to injury, as well as frequent fill-in Fabinho, Liverpool are now in dire need of defensive reinforcements. Jurgen Klopp has expressed an interest in RB Leipzig’s Dayot Upamecano but the board won’t fork out for a top-tier defender in January, so have signed Ben Davies from Preston instead. Now, with the transfer deadline fast approaching, the Premier League champions are searching for someone to partner Davies at the heart of their pound saver menu defence.

Club officials had originally planned to bring in Meikayla Moore and Niamh Fahey from the Liverpool Women’s Team – both were practicing putting on a deep voice, with the two hoping to disguise themselves by going for a short back and sides. However, with new restrictions requiring barbers to close across the country, the club was forced to pivot.

Since then, the club has held talks with several free agents including Neven Subotic, Ezequial Garay, Pascal Cygan, Jean-Alain Boumsong, Jeremy Lynch, Steve Bruce, John Terry, Jamie Carragher, Titus Bramble, Sami Hyypia, Marc Klopp (son of Jurgen), Martin Skrtel, David Unsworth, Philippe Senderos, Kem from Love Island, Richard Dunne, Lucas Radebe, Sylvain Distin, Nemanja Vidic, Wes Brown, Winston Bogarde, Marcel Desailly, Roque Junior, John Bishop, Joleon Lescott, Rio Ferdinand, Anton Ferdinand, and Emerson Thome.

So far, all of the 273 defenders contacted by the club have rejected their proposed pay packet, with the Fenway Sports Group unwilling to cough up more than £2000-a-week + subs.

The clock is now ticking on the Premier League title holders. Will they get their man (or woman) in time?

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