Tag: manchester united

NEWS

Pogba Lawyers Prepare ‘Performance-Decreasing Drugs’ Defence

Following the announcement of his 4-year ban for doping, Paul Pogba’s legal team are readying a surprise defence tactic in the hopes of clearing the midfielder’s name. According to reports, rather than disputing his adverse samples – which his lawyers believe to be irrefutable, the Frenchman’s legal team will instead claim that doping has negatively affected his on-field performances, therefore nullifying any sporting advantage he … Continue reading Pogba Lawyers Prepare ‘Performance-Decreasing Drugs’ Defence

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NEWS

Everton and Forest to Be Deducted a Player for Remainder of Season

After being charged with breaching Premier League Profitability and Sustainability Rules, Nottingham Forest and Everton will be forced to play the remainder of the season with ten men. Club officials had been expecting a ten-point deduction in line with Everton’s punishment earlier this season. However, after watching Everton successfully navigate their points deduction and escape the relegation zone, Premier League bosses questioned whether the punishment … Continue reading Everton and Forest to Be Deducted a Player for Remainder of Season

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PGMOL Select Squirrel to Referee Premier League Game

After appointing Rebecca Welch as the Premier League’s first ever female referee and selecting Sam Allison as their first black official in 15 years, Premier League bosses have taken their diversity drive a step further, placing an unnamed squirrel in charge of this weekend’s tie between Manchester United and Liverpool. The squirrel, found last week in Battersea Park, South London, will be the first non-human official … Continue reading PGMOL Select Squirrel to Referee Premier League Game

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Ten Hag Forms Alliance With Sunak After Both Men Lose Dressing Rooms

An unlikely alliance has formed between Manchester United Boss Erik Ten Hag and Conservative leader, Rishi Sunak, following a deeply challenging period in which support from their respective camps has waned. ‘I have much sympathy for him,’ Ten Hag told reporters ahead of Sunday’s crunch tie with Liverpool. ‘We have similar objectives. His goal is to stop the boats, and I want to stop shipping … Continue reading Ten Hag Forms Alliance With Sunak After Both Men Lose Dressing Rooms

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LEAKED: European Super League Teams Set to Adopt New Franchise Names and Crests

As the footballing world deals with the fallout from Sunday night’s European Super League’s announcement, more news has leaked about the proposed league that will undoubtedly shock the footballing world. According to leaked documents, all twelve participating clubs are set for a controversial rebrand, with each being given a new ‘franchise’ name. Super League lawyers believe that the move could help their teams avoid future … Continue reading LEAKED: European Super League Teams Set to Adopt New Franchise Names and Crests

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Roy Keane SLAMS Wife’s Performance in Bed

A characteristically scathing Roy Keane has critically analysed a disappointing sexual encounter with his wife on Thursday evening. The outburst took place during a live recording of what was supposed to be analysis of Liverpool’s Saturday showdown with Leicester. ‘There was no passion, no drive, no hunger,’ began the former Ireland international, speaking from the Sky Sports studio as an alarmed Micah Richards and David … Continue reading Roy Keane SLAMS Wife’s Performance in Bed

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