NEWS

Lampard Set to Take Over as Amazon Boss

According to reports in Seattle, Frank Lampard is set to replace world’s richest man, Jeff Bezos, as Amazon boss – a job he has absolutely zero qualifications for.

Bezos stepped down yesterday following the announcement of Amazon’s Q4 earnings, and as the news spread, the company’s share price soon began to plummet. It’s believed that the strong market reaction forced the board’s hand, and with Tuchel, Pochettino, and Allardyce now unavailable, Amazon turned their attention to the recently-axed Blues boss.

Lampard, 42, built a career arriving late into the box, but will now be tasked with making boxes arrive early. And while his lack of experience may offer investors cause for concern, the ex-Chelsea man will once again have unlimited resources at his disposal and is looking to bring in the best talent available, providing they’re not German.

Jody Morris, Lampard’s right-hand man, is also set to join him stateside and is expected to take charge of Amazon’s flourishing Web Services business. Asked what Jody would bring to Amazon, Frank said: ‘You know as well as I, the internet is a young man’s game, and Jody has a lot of experience working with the youngsters.’

One person who won’t be heading to Seattle anytime soon is Mason Mount, with Lampard telling reporters, ‘my kids will be staying in London for the time being.’

When pressed about his plans for Amazon’s future, Lampard offered a stark warning to shareholders, telling them not to expect immediate results: ‘The company’s has had a great run these last 8 or 9 years but we’re now entering a transitional period, new ideas will need to be implemented, and I’d be lying if I said there wouldn’t be losses along the way.’

Following the press conference, Amazon’s share price dropped 3 points, something Lampard’s former employer will know all about.

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