Shocking new evidence has come to light in the past 24 hours linking Chelsea striker Nicolas Jackson to the shooting of 50 Cent. New reports suggest that Jackson fired nine shots into the G Unit rapper’s SUV at close range but failed to finish him off. For many years, now-deceased Mike Tyson associate Darryl ‘Hommo’ Baum, was believed to be the shooter, but police reopened … Continue reading Nicolas Jackson Unveiled as 50 Cent Shooter
Chelsea’s clash with Brighton and Hove Albion WILL go ahead despite a devastating outbreak of the bubonic plague. The rare but highly-infectious disease has left 16 players, as well as six members of Chelsea’s coaching staff, hospitalised, with at least four expected to die. Chelsea filed a request over the weekend asking for Tuesday night’s tie to be postponed. However, Premier League bosses rejected their … Continue reading Brighton vs Chelsea to Go Ahead Despite Bubonic Plague Outbreak
As the footballing world deals with the fallout from Sunday night’s European Super League’s announcement, more news has leaked about the proposed league that will undoubtedly shock the footballing world. According to leaked documents, all twelve participating clubs are set for a controversial rebrand, with each being given a new ‘franchise’ name. Super League lawyers believe that the move could help their teams avoid future … Continue reading LEAKED: European Super League Teams Set to Adopt New Franchise Names and Crests
Following his harsh criticism of Callum Hudson-Odoi and Tammy Abraham after Saturday’s 1-1 draw with Southampton, Chelsea coach Thomas Tuchel has taken things a step further, hosting a no holds barred Comedy Central-style roast of his Chelsea squad. As the players arrived at Chelsea’s Cobham training ground on Monday morning, they were led towards the canteen area where multiple rows of chairs had been set … Continue reading Tuchel Takes Player Criticism Step Further, Hosts Comedy Roast of Chelsea Squad
According to reports in Seattle, Frank Lampard is set to replace world’s richest man, Jeff Bezos, as Amazon boss – a job he has absolutely zero qualifications for. Bezos stepped down yesterday following the announcement of Amazon’s Q4 earnings, and as the news spread, the company’s share price soon began to plummet. It’s believed that the strong market reaction forced the board’s hand, and with … Continue reading Lampard Set to Take Over as Amazon Boss
Chelsea star Thiago Silva has become the first Premier League player to be given the Pfizer Covid-19 jab. The NHS is prioritising care workers and the elderly during the early phases of the UK’s vaccine rollout, the Brazil captain falling into the latter category. Following the jab, Silva was pictured outside Chelsea and Westminster hospital, proudly showing off his I got my Covid-19 vaccine sticker. … Continue reading Thiago Silva Becomes First Premier League Player to be Vaccinated
Chelsea goalkeeper Kepa Arrizabalaga is scheduled to attend bedwetting therapy in a bid to help him keep a clean sheet. Kepa’s girlfriend, Andrea Pérez, stumbled across the solution following a desperate late-night Google search, and while the remedy sounds somewhat unorthodox, it could have some merit. Bedwetting therapists are experts in tackling embarrassment and low self-esteem, and have plenty of experience fixing the confidence issues … Continue reading Kepa to Attend Bedwetting Therapy After Latest Gaffe
Footballers must ‘change their behaviours’ to adjust to coronavirus rules both on and off the pitch, the Premier League boss has said, meaning no more hugs – whether that be with teammates, spouses or even their own children. ‘Players need to realise that they’re role models, and while they may not be killing each other, a small child could copy a celebration, pass on the … Continue reading ‘Stop Hugging Your Wives’, Demands Premier League Boss
According to reports in Russia, Roman Abramovich believes Grant could be the man to help Frank Lampard’s fledgling Chelsea side and is looking to bring Phil Mitchell’s 56-year-old brother to Stamford Bridge. The Eastenders’ star, played by Ross Kemp, caught the attention of the Chelsea owner on a recent trip to the UK. Sources claim that Roman was impressed by Grant’s toughness after watching an … Continue reading Abramovich Thinks Grant Can Help Lampard
According to multiple reports, Chelsea are still keen on a deal for rice this January. The club’s hierarchy are pushing hard to secure an agreement between the two parties, and hope to have a deal over the line before the end of the month. However, negotiations have so far reached a stumbling block with Uncle Ben’s refusing to budge on their £3 per kilo asking … Continue reading Chelsea Still Keen on a Deal for Rice, Negotiations Underway
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