Tag: football satire

NEWS

Tuchel Takes Player Criticism Step Further, Hosts Comedy Roast of Chelsea Squad

Following his harsh criticism of Callum Hudson-Odoi and Tammy Abraham after Saturday’s 1-1 draw with Southampton, Chelsea coach Thomas Tuchel has taken things a step further, hosting a no holds barred Comedy Central-style roast of his Chelsea squad. As the players arrived at Chelsea’s Cobham training ground on Monday morning, they were led towards the canteen area where multiple rows of chairs had been set … Continue reading Tuchel Takes Player Criticism Step Further, Hosts Comedy Roast of Chelsea Squad

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NEWS

Roy Keane SLAMS Wife’s Performance in Bed

A characteristically scathing Roy Keane has critically analysed a disappointing sexual encounter with his wife on Thursday evening. The outburst took place during a live recording of what was supposed to be analysis of Liverpool’s Saturday showdown with Leicester. ‘There was no passion, no drive, no hunger,’ began the former Ireland international, speaking from the Sky Sports studio as an alarmed Micah Richards and David … Continue reading Roy Keane SLAMS Wife’s Performance in Bed

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NEWS

Alisson Diagnosed With Kepatitis

Following Saturday’s late-game collapse against Leicester, Liverpool goalkeeper Alisson has been diagnosed with Kepatitis. The Liverpool backroom team sought expert medical opinion after another blunder from their star stopper; the Brazilian has now made 7 errors leading to goals since joining the club back in 2018. The condition was first discovered by the Chelsea medical staff last season after goalkeeper Kepa Arrizabalaga forgot how to … Continue reading Alisson Diagnosed With Kepatitis

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NEWS

Saliba Records Mikel Arteta Diss Track – EXCLUSIVE SNIPPET

Arsenal loanee William Saliba is back at it again. Following his controversial interview with French outlet RMC, during which Saliba criticised Arsenal boss Mikel Arteta, the French centre-back has escalated tensions further by recording a Mikel Arteta diss track. Last week Saliba told press: ‘He [Arteta] judged me on two and a half matches. I would have liked for him to play me more. But … Continue reading Saliba Records Mikel Arteta Diss Track – EXCLUSIVE SNIPPET

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Klopp Regretting Giving It the Big’un After First Title Win

After a 6th successive Anfield defeat, and with Liverpool’s title defence in tatters, it’s believed Jurgen Klopp is regretting ‘giving it the big’un’ after winning his first Premier League trophy. The accusation was first put to him by Frank Lampard following a tense touchline bust-up last July, with the ex-Chelsea boss telling Klopp, ‘only title you’ve ever won and you’re f***ing giving it the big … Continue reading Klopp Regretting Giving It the Big’un After First Title Win

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NEWS

Lampard Set to Take Over as Amazon Boss

According to reports in Seattle, Frank Lampard is set to replace world’s richest man, Jeff Bezos, as Amazon boss – a job he has absolutely zero qualifications for. Bezos stepped down yesterday following the announcement of Amazon’s Q4 earnings, and as the news spread, the company’s share price soon began to plummet. It’s believed that the strong market reaction forced the board’s hand, and with … Continue reading Lampard Set to Take Over as Amazon Boss

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Liverpool in the Running to Sign Any Centre-Back with a Pulse

According to reports on Merseyside, Liverpool are in the running to sign anyone alive willing to play centre-back for them. Following a tough start to the season which has seen the club lose all 3 of their starting CBs to injury, as well as frequent fill-in Fabinho, Liverpool are now in dire need of defensive reinforcements. Jurgen Klopp has expressed an interest in RB Leipzig’s … Continue reading Liverpool in the Running to Sign Any Centre-Back with a Pulse

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Reddit Traders Inflated Pepe’s Price Tag, Says Edu

According to Arsenal’s technical director Edu, Reddit traders were to blame for driving up Pepe’s eye-watering price tag. The Ivorian winger was acquired from Lille in 2019 for a staggering £72m, a move which raised eyebrows within the football community and even amongst Arsenal’s own board, who launched an internal investigation into his signing late last year. His lacklustre performances since have done little to … Continue reading Reddit Traders Inflated Pepe’s Price Tag, Says Edu

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Scott Parker Forced to Cancel Family Zoom Quiz

Fulham manager Scott Parker is reportedly incensed after the Premier League rescheduled his side’s game with Tottenham Hotspur at short notice, the new date clashing with Parker’s family Zoom quiz. The manager spent the early part of the week studying European flags, American presidents, and pop hits of the 90s. But now, with just 48 hours to prepare, he’ll need to switch his focus to … Continue reading Scott Parker Forced to Cancel Family Zoom Quiz

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NEWS

Donald Trump Claims FA Cup Draw was Rigged

Following another easy draw for FA Cup frontrunners Manchester City, Donald Trump posted a message on the official @POTUS Bebo account claiming that the FA draw was ‘rigged.’ After City secured a plum draw against League 2 side Cheltenham Town, their two closest rivals, Liverpool and Manchester United, were then drawn against each other – raising eyebrows among members of the online football community. Trump … Continue reading Donald Trump Claims FA Cup Draw was Rigged

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